Doubt.

Okay so here I am reading through the book of John and Jesus is performing miracles like healing this man at the pool of Bethesda, turning water into wine, taking a couple of loaves of bread and some fish and feeding five thousand people, walking on water, you know, just another day in the life of Jesus. I’ve heard these stories a thousand times and they never really hit me until now. How incredible. For example: 

John 5:1-9

“After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be healed?’ The sick man answered him, ‘Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Get up, take up your bed, and walk.’ And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.”

Seriously, can you imagine Jesus walking up to you, a person who has been blind, lame, and/or paralyzed for almost 40 years and then Jesus tells you to grab your things and walk and you are suddenly healed? All of your ailments are gone. You’re as healthy as an ox. Ahhh it’s so cool. Or how about this, you and your friends are on a boat, in the middle of the sea, there is no land and no one around and all of a sudden you see someone walking on the water and it’s Jesus. He’s walking to your boat. Crazy. Just crazy.

 So Jesus is performing all these miracles right? But then the Pharisees aren’t having it. They’re like “Who is this Jesus? He’s says he’s the Son of God. He’s not listening to us! Blasphemy.” And crowds of Jews are swarming Jesus trying to confront him about this with full intentions of arresting and killing him but they can’t because they see the glory of God in him. You know, this just baffles me. The Pharisees and hundreds, even thousands of other people could see first hand accounts of these miracles or hear these stories from friends and not believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God. How could you stand in the presence of Jesus Christ, be literally 5 feet away from the Savior and not believe in him? That’s crazy! Or is it?

 I’m such a hypocrite. Sometimes I feel like those Pharisees. I don’t doubt Jesus being the Son of God or anything but I find myself doubting God and what he’s doing. I’m like “Okay cool God. Well, I don’t really know what you want me to do now. I thought I was doing everything right and now it all got thrown back in my face. Now what?” The crazy thing is, I have access to God everyday. How might you ask? For starters, I have the bible. God breathed scripture. There are words in there that actually came out of Jesus mouth. The bible is how God speaks to so many. I also have prayer. I can literally talk to God whenever I want. If I’m having a bad day, I tell him about it. If I’m walking to class and stop to admire the beauty of God’s creation, I praise him for it. I can cry to him, sing to him, praise him anytime I want to and he hears me. He hears everyone. How neat is that?

 Finally, I see God in other people. No I don’t look people in the eyes and literally see the face of God in them or anything but by their words and actions and kindness and love. Seriously, I look at my mom and know that she has a heart for God because she loves so selflessly. She loves me and everyone else unconditionally no matter how many times we screw up. She is kind and compassionate and earnestly seeks God. So many of my friends and family are like that. I can see God working in them. It’s so encouraging knowing I have so many people like that in my life because sometimes you’re the only bible some people ever see. What a powerful thought. So if you’re ever feeling some doubt or disconnected from God say a little prayer or open your bible or maybe do both with a friend because God’s there waiting for you to come to him.